I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
