but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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