That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
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