Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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