Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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