There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
