That's when you crack a 10am beer
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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