I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I want her autograph on my taint
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
