my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
