i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
