I smell stomach acid.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
