Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
