He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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