The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize