when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I think I won the penis lottery.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Randomize
