Life is so much better after having sex.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
