I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
