absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
