Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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