Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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