if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
