I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
