I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize