i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
