She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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