My friends, they love my intelligence
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize