Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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