I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
