she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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