you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
