cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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