It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
