Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
