I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
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