I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Don't EVER smell your tampon
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
