I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
