no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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