the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Randomize
