I cut my penus on the lid.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
