you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
