Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
