Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Randomize
