can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
