Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
