I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
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