Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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