so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Everyone says I win the strip club
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Randomize
