the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
