wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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