I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
