I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
