if you like me you must not know who I am
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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