If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
