Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
