im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I take back everything I said about communal showers
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
