the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
