Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
We are two peas in an std pod
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
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