You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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