Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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