Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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