she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I have already put on my inside pants.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize