he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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