I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
