whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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