In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
