you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
