I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
