The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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