he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
