i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
