I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
