someone get that fucking seahorse.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
